Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. Woody Allen

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying ! Woody Allen

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like... making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. Woody Allen