How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? |

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying ! |

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like... making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. |

Eighty percent of success is showing up. |

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.' |

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. |

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words. |

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. |